I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
