Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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