That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
