I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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