I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
