Swine flu. Run for my life!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
