Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
