I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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