Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
