Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
