Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
