I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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