We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
