why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize