I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
