So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
