i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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