That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
