I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
