I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
