Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
