we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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