I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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