you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
