Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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