Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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