I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize