I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Someone shit on the floor
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Randomize
