There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
