My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
