worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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