Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
