I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
