Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
