if i can run in heels then i can drive
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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