Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
