Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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