You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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