Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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