a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
