It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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