I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
