My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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