No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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