i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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