maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
