help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
