Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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