Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
