I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
