She said her name was "party"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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