i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm like, not good at living.
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