Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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