I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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