She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
