Sry I called you an 8
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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