I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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