I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
