I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
