wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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