My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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