your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
