I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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