dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
