so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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