no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
