You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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