i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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