I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
