Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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