I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
