Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There r osticjed everywhere
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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