Jerry, you need to find god
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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