yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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