all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
