i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
