i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
