There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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