I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
nutella sex= disaster
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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